I had my first fall last night

I was transferring from the chair to the couch, where I've never been before and I slid down between the two. Luckily my mother was almost down the stairs and we were able to get me up wiht the help of yoga blankets, a foot stool, a chair, the couch, my gate belt, the coffee table and I forget any other props. No panicking, just two women figuring it out.

I feel so trapped sometimes. there are 6 rooms I can go to in this house. I can sit in my chair on the commode and on my bed. It's frustrating and a little depressing. I really wanted to sit on the couch, but once I was back in my chair it was stay thaer for the rest of the night.

old hurts return

I am beginning to miss Scott.
This is hard. It's been over the past week or so. I guess it could be taken as a good sign, that I'm healed enough to begin to work on mourning again, but it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Widowhood sucks more than leglessness, at least so far.
In Austria I was asked twice if it had not be an accident, if I had tried to kill myself. Both times I answered that I missed Scott, but did not want to rejoin him. (in retrospect, I wonder why they didn't ask about drugs and alcolhal. I'm guessing that it's because they took a tox screen and found nothing. They asked in the States. I don't take drugs when I'm travelling alone. Well, I don't take drugs anyway, but I especially don't take them when I feel vulnerable, and traveling in a strange country where I have only rudiments of the language counts as vulnerability.)
Star is once again very precious to me, a touchstone to the days when I was whole and Scott was here.
I sleep a lot...