I am beginning to miss Scott.
This is hard. It's been over the past week or so. I guess it could be taken as a good sign, that I'm healed enough to begin to work on mourning again, but it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Widowhood sucks more than leglessness, at least so far.
In Austria I was asked twice if it had not be an accident, if I had tried to kill myself. Both times I answered that I missed Scott, but did not want to rejoin him. (in retrospect, I wonder why they didn't ask about drugs and alcolhal. I'm guessing that it's because they took a tox screen and found nothing. They asked in the States. I don't take drugs when I'm travelling alone. Well, I don't take drugs anyway, but I especially don't take them when I feel vulnerable, and traveling in a strange country where I have only rudiments of the language counts as vulnerability.)
Star is once again very precious to me, a touchstone to the days when I was whole and Scott was here.
I sleep a lot...
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2 comments:
You know, Fishy - I had almost forgotten to tell you this!
But I asked all over Europe, "Why wasn't his accident in the papers?!" and I was told that until the detectives talked to you (which also meant waiting until when you were awake) and they could determine 100% that this was not a suicide attempt, they wouldn't publish anything.
It's not only Austria who does this, but Germany too. They would have put it in all the papers, if you were a drunk homeless bum: to show the readers how BEING A DRUNK HOMELESS BUM IS BAD BAD THING AND BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU ARE A DRUNK HOMELESS BUM...
But if there was ~any~ chance this was not an accident, they said they wouldn't leak a thing about it.
AND THEN I GOT MAD.
But I had forgotten about that.
How did the Fall (or slip?) happen, anyway?
I'm sorry you have to grieve at all Chukka.. and sleep is good, youv'e been through alot. I can't imagine.. POOF
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