good news and blah, blah, blah

First the Updates:
#I have met the surgeon for my colostomy "take down." (Gosh, it sounds so warlike.) I've taken some of the necessary tests in prep-the blood test, and the ct scan with barium and iodine in my system. Apparently, my colostomy is "unremarkable." On Monday, the barium enema.
#I got a shrinker sock for Puffball on Wednesday. It's rubbing a sore spot, so here's hoping for a thigh callous in the next few days.
#Called yesterday by the wheelchair vendor, my chair has been ordered. Hope for delivery in a couple of weeks.

Now the mood:
Still low. Feeling the limitations again. Taking BART scares me, so many hazards, scarey elevators and the gap between train and platform is perfect for snagging castors--not to mention a subtle reminder of the accident. I'm probably not keeping busy enough, logistics get overwhelming sometimes.

Lonely

Not quite stir crazy, just bored and lonely. I don't start out patient physical therapy until the 17th--that will be 3 weeks without supervision of exercise program. It's something of a struggle to do that daily. I am going on walks at least.
It's hot--really hot. I don't want to stress myself, especially with the new med that puts me at higher risk for dehydration and heat exhaustion. I never did do well in heat.
Part of my problem here is that I didn't take my Celexa last night. I've taken tonight's so I'll be okay tomorrow, at least as far at taht part of the problem is concerned.
I'm sleeping a lot, and that concerns me--it always does. Am I falling into depression? Should I be doing something different? Is this a problem? Am I too passive?
And my phantom limbs seem very activated tonight.

Puffball and Champ

I have two legs, two quite different legs. Puffball is the shorter. She was greatly torn up by the train and was the one that took all the skin grafts. She's also been the site of the tunnelling wounds. She's not as strong. They used to wrap her up in a bunch of gauze and then put a sort of mesh "hat" on her in tge hospital which made her look like a round puffball mushroom to me. Hence her name. Well, that and the fact that she was so ugly to me that I needed to make her appealing in some way.
Champ sometimes feels like the sister to the prodigal leg. Puffball gets fussed over and cheered on; Champ just steadily goes on. She's been wearing a shrinker sock for 5 or 6 weeks, and is on a temporary prothesis. She will graduate to a vacuum socket--Puffball will never get there because teh skin is so thin. Champ is a nice clean amputation, nowhere near as ugly or shocking as her sister. Although she donated some skin to her sister, so there's been some angry red.
The Donations are done by a sort of cheese slice tool that takes a very thin layer off the donor site and puts in on the recipiant site. It's kinda of gross and scary to think about, but it's also amazing. Last I remember hearing about grafts is the bad old days when they took it off your back or buttocks and took the entire skin. this is obviously an improvement.

Demo Chair

So, yesterday I got 40 minutes in an electric chair.
It was a learning curve, but not a huge one--apparently I took to the whole steer-while=moving-ahead thing better than a lot of people do.
Then it was the Harry Potter movie for a full day.

I had my first fall last night

I was transferring from the chair to the couch, where I've never been before and I slid down between the two. Luckily my mother was almost down the stairs and we were able to get me up wiht the help of yoga blankets, a foot stool, a chair, the couch, my gate belt, the coffee table and I forget any other props. No panicking, just two women figuring it out.

I feel so trapped sometimes. there are 6 rooms I can go to in this house. I can sit in my chair on the commode and on my bed. It's frustrating and a little depressing. I really wanted to sit on the couch, but once I was back in my chair it was stay thaer for the rest of the night.

old hurts return

I am beginning to miss Scott.
This is hard. It's been over the past week or so. I guess it could be taken as a good sign, that I'm healed enough to begin to work on mourning again, but it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Widowhood sucks more than leglessness, at least so far.
In Austria I was asked twice if it had not be an accident, if I had tried to kill myself. Both times I answered that I missed Scott, but did not want to rejoin him. (in retrospect, I wonder why they didn't ask about drugs and alcolhal. I'm guessing that it's because they took a tox screen and found nothing. They asked in the States. I don't take drugs when I'm travelling alone. Well, I don't take drugs anyway, but I especially don't take them when I feel vulnerable, and traveling in a strange country where I have only rudiments of the language counts as vulnerability.)
Star is once again very precious to me, a touchstone to the days when I was whole and Scott was here.
I sleep a lot...

The Mean Girls in High School

This is a very weird post, I think.
Have you ever heard of post anathesia psychosis? (I think that's not the name, but it's the closest I can come up with right now.)
I had a case in Innsbrock. I was coming out of the anathesia after my last operation in Austria, on the day before I left the icu. For some reason there were 8-12 nurses there, all women.
Somethings I know were weird ideas cooked up in my own head. There is no way that it is the truth that the hospital kept a room identical to the icu where they practiced scenarios that might occur during crashes of the Austrian National Airline. (Does Austria even have a national airline?) Certainly it is not true that one of my roommates was actually some sort of robot that they used for drills and that if you didn't take care of the robot right it would blow up to the size of a walrus. I can't even remember what kind of robot my other roommate was.
(Although at some point earlier in my stay, I was convinced that she was actually some sort of ape with a singing career who had escaped from her producer. Let me be very clear, I was on opiates for pain. My thought processes were not functioning well.)

Well, I thought the nurses were out to get me. Some of it must have been paranoid thinking. But I don't know that all of it was. At some point they cut up part of my 2-piece colostomy bag system to prove some point. and they kept arguing with me--what was the point of that? I was not thinking right, logic wasn't going to change things. Why so many of them?

I wish I could understand this experience better. One or two of them were nurses I didn't like much, including the nurse who when I was in Maskentherapie and had got her attention when I was freaking out from it by knocking the finger in the little closepin monitor thingie on my bedside table, then moved the table out of my reach when she left. I felt surrounded and tried to hit a couple. It's hard to take a swing at people when you don't have legs. Much more likely to fall out of bed. I discovered that grabbing hold with one hand and hitting with the other was a better stratagy.

I wish I could understand this experience better...

The Shear Goodness of it All

I am amazed by the goodness I've found in this experience.
Stefan driving my mother from the airport to the hotel. He came from Munich to do this. Thank you, Stefan. It's not everyone who will do something for someone so vaguely connected to one. My mother spoke of you with gratitude for this. It must have been a very hard day in her life, flying to a strange country to see a freshly maimed child. I just told her Stefan had posted a reply and she smiled and spoke of something she wanted to send him.
Karine--whose goodness was never in doubt, since her trip to New Orleans post Katrina--organizing the art auction and being the tribe nexus for donations. I am sitting at the computer that her money, and the money she raised, helped to pay for. And everyone who contributed art or who bid on a piece, thank you,thank you, thank you. Le Chat, you better treat her right, her fans will have something to say to you if you don't. But the issue isn't in doubt, I know your furry heart and your love for her.
All those people who sent cards. I've got pounds of them. Somehow I haveto make them into a scrapbook. Something to hold as a solid reminder that all of you cared enough to say something, to send something.
I was sent books, video tapes, dvds. The vcr tapes I left in Austria--I didn't want to run into compatability problems. but there are no imcompatability problems with the hearts and hands that selected them and put them into the mail.
The nurses, the pts, the ots. I was the total pet on the floor in John Muir Medical. The English speaking members of the doctors' entourages in TILAK who gave me brief synopses of the long German conversations.

And I don't even know that I deserve this. I've tried to be honest. On the boards I'd be kind to the people who seemed to need it and I've been mean and rude to the people who seemed to be giving us that sort of energy simply to inflate their egos or whatever their twisted--oh poof! I don't want to talk abou that in a post about goodness. But it does make the goodness look better.

So much kindness in the world, in people.

So many hugs I wish to give, to people I don't even know, as well as those I've met, but are not close.

I wish I could throw you a party. Idon't know what to say. I may never know what to say.

I can say this, you, all of you, were bright lights in a very dark night for me and for my family and friends.

You're Stars, People!!!

Some Days are Just Bad

Woke up cranky.

Almost certainly just a cyclical thing.
Ican't be optomistic and daring all the time.
Even my phantom limbs seem to hurt.
Too much family and caretaker drama. Its very scary to be dependant on people who are having dramas.
I can't even go to a movie or a cafe and get away from it.

Sometimes I feel trapped. Can't take a nap on the couch. Can't go beyond certain places in the house.

I did see the doctor yesterday and he did say I could take showers. Now all I have to do is get the handheld installed and the shower chair bought.

Anyone wanna take me to Johnson Medical supply on Monday?

2 More Tunneling Wounds!

YARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Yesterday I got my long handled mirror. (They are used for paras and other wheelies to look at thier backs to see how thier skin is doing.)
I used it for the first time today.ThOh crap, I found two more of the tunneling wounds.
I haven't talked about these wounds, but they are a drama in of themselves. the first one (also known as "The Wound") was a little hole in my high right shank/butt area with a little "antichamber" from which branched off two tunnels, one an inch long, the other four! In the hospital, it was getting irrigated twice a day with saline, packed with special guaze, covered with zeraform (a special yellow gauze impregnated with vasoline and possibly s9ome sort of bacteria killer), and wrapped up twice daily. In fact, this wound was the reason that my right leg hasn't been prepped for a prothesis yet.

Last week, afterleaving thehospital, I discovered (by feell) a 2nd one, more towards my groin, but still in the seam (if that is the correct term) between my old skin and the graft recipiant site. This one was only a centemeter long. We havent had a syringe, but it's been packeda nd included in the wrapping. (Well, the wrapping's around thw whole thigh, or what's left of it.)
Lookked at the back of my right leg 1/2 hour ago. Two more wounds, both in a sort of a channel (it lookes almost like a butt crack!) in the center of the graft site. HIdden by the edema of the leg.

The good news is that one in one centimeter long, the other half that. But I don't know why Ikeep getting these. With the first one, there was a lot of talk of infection. There was staph in that wound. And it was puss-y (filled with puss, instead of being a cat or slang for a woman's box), at least until the irrigation washed it out. But the others are dry. Maybe because I found them before they became too long.
Am I going to be prone my entire life? Is it something that is associated with the graft? I just hope that there wasn't some sort of infectin that they were tunnelling towards.
btw The original Wound is pretty much healed now, Scabbed over even. I hope the three that are left close up soon.

Chukka's computer

Chukka's MacBook arrived last week, including Office:Mac, an HP printer, *and* an iPod nano. I tried to set it up for her -- somewhat to my surprise, Mac is actually more controlling than Microsoft during the installation! It kept asking me things I wasn't quite sure how Chukka would want me to answer. I've dropped it off at home -- I'm still holding onto the printer for a while because it will take a little time for everything to get settled down and for her to decide where she can put it. She will likely have plenty on her plate when she first gets home.

Thanks to all of you who helped purchase this computer by contributing to her fund or participating in the art auction. Extra special thanks to Karine for coordinating it all. And thanks once again to everyone for their caring and concern during this difficult time. I've always known that I would eventually step out of the blog and hand it over to Chukka, and now she's coming home, this seems an appropriate time. I've been very impressed by how much so many people (including Chukka, my mother, and the rest of my family!) have stepped up in so many ways. I'm really glad to know there are so many good people there for Chukka and that they will be there for her in the months and years to come.

Due for Early Release

So it looks like the release date is the 24th, next Tuesday. That will give me a couple of days to sink in, before the hordes descend on the weekend. (I still have pizza and beer--that ought to attract hordes.)
One of my physical therapists has said she'll pick up a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows for me on Saturday. Is is a gift or should I pay her back? The second, probably. better ask my mom to bring back the check book.
In the meantime, I'm out of books I want to read here. I finished the fourth Judge Dee mystery. These are a little odd, the first was a translation of a Chinese detective story; it did so well that he started writing stories with the same hero. I don't know why I'm reading them--insight into China? or the Netherlands? Still, exotic settings are interesting for a while.
\I do have Eight Little Piggies, but there's only so many Steven Jay Gould essays I can read a week.
My mother once handed me Number One Woman's Detective Agency, but she can't find it now, that seems about perfect.
I don't actually like detective stories in one way. I certainly never try and figure out "who donit." I figure the authot is way more clever than I am, so why try and compete? Maybe I should just journal a lot.
No snack food either--and I've developed an appetite--all that working out. Plus, people are telling me I've lost weight. All that working out.

Or in the words of the immortal Sandra Boyton--things are getting desparate; please send chocolate.

Ramping Up

I've been learning all sorts of new stuff. Like how to pull myself up if I fall on the floor. It's hard pulling, completely dependent on my arm strength. Which I must continue to work on--weights this afternoon.
Somehow, I've got to be able to talk someone through moving me up or down a curb when I can't find a ramp. If it's not a friend, then it might be a stranger.
Car transfers. On Tuesday it was scary. On Wednesday it was just a problem that had to be solved. I pushed myself out of the car backwards so hard, that I dislodged my cushion and pushed it halfway up the chair seat. A break today, and back to this tomorrow. I can't get into Mariah's honda because the door doesn't open far enough to get the wheelchair next to the car seat. Luckily, my mother's Saturn doesn't have this problem.
I will see the SWAT team nurse today for colostomy bag changing training.
After I've done the weight lifting.

Playing the Insurance Game

The insurance has agreed to extend Chukka's stay in the hospital until next Wednesday, I guess that's the 23rd. In part this is because she now has the left prosthesis, so they can get some time for prosthesis rehab. This gives us a little more time to finish the ramp, and also more time for her right leg to heal. The infection is gone, but there are still two channels in the leg, about 4 inches long, that need to be tended to daily. The channels are healing -- they are getting narrower, but not specifically shorter. Anyway, with those still there, I am happier thinking of her in the hospital for now.

Cleaning the house went well. The rooms upstairs have been cleared for my mother, and things downstairs have been rearranged so Chukka can move about and specifically so there is a clear path in case of fire. (Scott was into fire alarms, too, so there are plenty all around.) Many thanks to all of Chukka's friends who came and helped! Double and triple thanks to Mike, who came all the way down from Sacramento for three days and worked on the ramp. That is not quite finished. It's not a cement thing, which is what I was expecting, but more like a deck or something. All the frame has been built and now it just has to have the top done.

My mother is really a trooper. It's a huge life change for her, almost as big as for Chukka, and I think it can be challenging at times. But it's clear she is going to do whatever it takes to help Chukka make the transition to her new life. Mum has been out at hospital irrigating and dressing those wounds (one thing I could never do), pushing Chukka's wheelchair up curbs, and generally learning how to support and take care of and be there for Chukka. It's a long process, but everyone is doing the best they can, and that really is quite a lot.

My progress

Today I learned that I could do wheelchair pushups. I couldn't a week ago. I've learned all sorts of rolling and alternate sit-ups and work on my abs like a 90s exercise drone.
I can't hold the wheelchair pushups for 2 minutes (pressure relief--I need to do it because I'm going to be sitting on my fat ass for a long time), but maybe that will come.
They could be fitting me with a prothesis (temporary) on Monday.
I did ramps today. Kevin is still the best at getting me up them fast, but you have no idea how steep city streets are.

Soon I'll be able to win arm wrestling contests...

D-Day approaching

So I'm getting really worried. (What else would I be doing up at 5:00 in the morning?) The insurance wants Chukka to leave the hospital on Monday. The hospital has decided it will keep chukka till Thursday, no matter what, and fight the insurance later if necessary. This is just the ridiculous place how health care system has come to, where it's and adversarial system where everyone has to see who can intimidate whom more.

In the meantime, we have to somehow get the house ready for Chukka. We have to clear out the rooms upstairs, which have accumulated a large amount of stuff, and get that all into boxes or taken down to the thrift store. Then we have to move all my mother's furniture and clothes from the room downstairs where she has lived for almost forty years and take it upstairs into a new room. Then we have to just set up a little stuff for Chukka -- she will only want a dresser and bookcase to begin with probably -- we will be renting a hospital bed at first. And finally, we have to make sure that the downstairs, and especially the passageway from the front door to the bedroom, will be clear enough and safe enough for Chukka to negotiate in a wheelchair -- especially now, when she is still not fully familiar with what she is doing (although she has been making great progress). It just doesn't seem like there's any way this can be done in the amount of time we have -- especially in such short notice. I have no idea if anyone is actually going to show up to help out. We may end up needing people all through the early part of the week.

If there is any chance that you can help, please do contact me to get the address. Even just an hour or two would be a big help. You can send me an email at chukkasupport AT gmail.net, or contact me on Tribes as Eliza at http://people.tribe.net/62b6bfc2-9af2-4fd7-a4cd-bf3eedd47b67 Or leave a comment on the blog. You can also call Chukka at the hospital - (925) 939-3000 and ask for Carol Sachs.

The house is located on the Berkeley/Oakland border, near Claremont and College. The closest BART station is Rockridge. Beer and pizza -- the first few people get Zachary's.

***************

In the meantime, Chukka continues to do awesome. She is working really hard at her PT, she is jumping in and doing the things she needs to do to help the move happen. I cannot emphasize how incredibly strong she has been. I just want to make sure she comes home to somewhere safe.

Updated work party info

I've updated this so it's easier for people to get to me if it's cross posted. If you've posted elsewhere, please try and update. Thanks.

Work Party this Saturday and Sunday, July 14 & 15 starting at 10:00 a.m. We'll need to pack stuff in boxes, move furniture, maybe help with the ramp -- everything we can to make it safe and accessible for Crypto. Beer and pizza!

If you are interested, contact me for the address. You can send me an email at chukkasupport@gmail.net, or contact me on Tribes as Eliza at http://people.tribe.net/62b6bfc2-9af2-4fd7-a4cd-bf3eedd47b67

The house is located on the Berkeley/Oakland border, near Claremont and College. The closest BART station is Rockridge.

Chukka continues to do well. She really is amazing. She's been going outside with her PT person and going up the construction ramps they have that aren't even for wheelchair users. When she first gets out she will probably need an attendant 24/7 for a few days, as well as a hospital bed short term. She's up for it though! I think she'll be really really happy to get home.

My Dad has ordered her a laptop with the money that all of friends raised, and I think she will try to set up access so she has it the minute she gets home.

Home Soon! Work Party!

The hospital has given a tentative discharge date of July 9th, which is a week from Thursday. This is when the insurance company thinks she can be discharged, so of course she's just squeaking by. It's exciting and scary!

Of course, because this all happened in Austria and she's only been back a little while, we haven't had time to get anything ready. The ramp isn't built yet, the house has to be rearranged, etc. So we're calling for your help!

Work Party this Saturday and Sunday, July 14 & 15 starting at 10:00 a.m. We'll need to pack stuff in boxes, move furniture, maybe help with the ramp -- everything we can to make it safe and accessible for Crypto. Beer and pizza!

If you are interested, contact me for the address. You can send me an email at chukkasupport AT gmail.net, or contact me on Tribes as Eliza at http://people.tribe.net/62b6bfc2-9af2-4fd7-a4cd-bf3eedd47b67

The house is located on the Berkeley/Oakland border, near Claremont and College. The closest BART station is Rockridge.

Let other people know!

Forging ahead

They have pinpointed the source of Chukka's fever -- she has some infection in one of the legs. This is basically being treated the same way they did in Austria-- they suction out the infection once or twice a day, and then pack the site with some kind of dressing that draws the rest of the fluid out. At the same time, they are hitting her with antibiotics., switching them as necessary.

This sounds all very scary, but she is doing well. She is back to a full schedule of occupational and physical therapy -- 3 hours a day of each of them. Physical therapy is about strengthening and learning how to use her body in general -- there is a PT room with a huge mat where she can do rolls and so on. OT is more about how to do specific things for every day -- like getting into the shower, doing the laundry (yes, there's a washing machine on the floor, and she will learn how to do her own clothes) , etc. She is forging ahead, zooming around in her wheelchair and is in good spirits again, after a brief hard patch during the worst of the fever (on her birthday no less -- how rotten is that?)

Art Auction Saturday!

Karine has put together an online auction for Chukka & it's tomorrow! I've sent my piece in. I wanted to do a fish (of course) but truly I haven't had time since the accident.

For more pictures and to bid online go here.

Chukka continues to do well. She is in acute rehab, and her work is to continue to get stronger, so that she can transfer herself in and out of her wheelchair. IN the meantime, her family and friends at home are getting the house ready -- making plans for a ramp, rearranging things so Chukka can move downstairs, and so on. It's hard, because we really couldn't start this while she was in Austria, and now she is probably coming home within a month, so there is a lot to be done in a short time. My Dad and some good friends have taken the baton and are doing most of the work for that, for which I am truly grateful -- this is ahrd work and there's allways something different.

She's Got Fever

Chukka got a fever about the middle of last week -- it has been quite high at times. We had to cancel the surprise party, because she was tired and weak. I think I was more disappointed than she was -- after all, she didn't know it was going to happen! People did come by for her birthday, but lower key, of course.

She is better today, although they are still monitoring her. She has had some nausea and loss of appetite, but now she is able to eat. She is now in a private room, but a small one, and since there is always some sort of hospital personnel in there, it can get quite crowded. She is supposed to do her breathing exercises still, but I don't see when she is supposed to have time! Even with the fever, they have tried to sit her up in a wheelchair every day. Her spirits are still good -- she takes all the procedures and pain better than I do! I was a little faint out there today -- I guess if I'd ever had kids, I be less squeamish.

I put Star where Chukka could see her -- apparently when Chukka was most nauseous, Star didn't want to take the risk of being vomited on, so she is sitting on an enormous basket of goodies Crypto's friend Jimmi brought.

I couldn't raise the wireless network on my laptop. I know it's out there somewhere, but it's tricky to find, and it may need a key.

My cousin Saami asked exactly what the phantom pain is. It's a side effect of the amputation -- I think it's the brain trying to figure out where the legs went. When I saw her, her (virtual) feet were cold, and she couldn't warm them up, even when she put them inside each other.

Keep those letters and cards coming. Packages, flowers, stuffed animals all welcome. Maybe a stuffed rhinoceros?

Don't forget you can send her a card via the internet:

https://www.johnmuirhealth.com/index.php/greeting.html

Her current room is 510.

Better every day

Chukka was a little tired on Friday after the transfer to rehab, but otherwise she is looking and doing better every day. She is already able to steer the wheelchair, even while backing up, and can turn over on her stomach and also can sit up.

She has phantom pain, or more like phantom sensation, and she can feel exactly where her virtual feet are. She can even put them inside each other! But when they are like that, she can only feel one at a time. It can be either one, and they switch back and forth, she says, like "vases faces". Supposedly the sensation will be helped by the desensitization process and also when she can wear prostheses.

She got a call from John Callahan's publicist, who saw the blog and is sending her a free autographed copy of his book. That's pretty cool.

As for me, I'm finally letting go a little. I talked to the hospital rehab social worker yesterday -- she's the person I've been wanting for the past two months! It's her job to negotiate insurance, keep track of Chukka's progress, help plan for coming home, etc. etc. It's really hard to do without it! When Chukka got to John Muir and got started on rehab, she told me "That's why they sent me to John Muir, because they have a really good rehab program." I thought, wait a minute -- "they" is me. But of course the hospital wouldn't imagine that all we got told in Austria is, "Can you find a hospital in the US that takes her insurance?" Fortunately one of the people who takes horseback riding lessons the same place I do is an ER doctor, so he made some suggestions and put me in touch with the Trauma Coordinator at John Muir. And everyone else I asked agreed it was an excellent facility.

But now there's someone else to help, who knows what she is doing and I can start to relax (a little). You don't know how much weight you're carrying until you start to put it down.

Enough books for the moment!

Apparantlly Chukka has been inundated with books, for which, many thanks! However, may be better not to send any more just now, lets see what she needs in the future. Eliza asked (yes, she did) and no, no rhinoseroses allowed, in fact, no animals allowed!!

Chukka is having physical therapy and occupational therapy and so on, and may even be on a computer soon-ish. So we may see her here soon!

Magda

In Rehab

I have not talked to Chukka today, but I hear from my Dad she is now in rehab! She will be there about two weeks. I don't know her new room/bed number yet.

I am planning on going out there this afternoon, I will check on packages and rhinoceroses then. Also have to think about her birthday!

I don't know when she will get computer access, but I have given her access to the blog.

Cleared for rehab

I believe that Chukka has been medically cleared for rehab. The insurance still has to give the go ahead and then a bed has to open up. (And yes, there is a maternity ward in the same hospital!)

I was there yesterday (Wednesday) when Jim, the physical therapist, did his evaluation. He and another PT helped Chukka sit up on the side of the bed. He then kept his hands lightly on her to balance her and she sat up for 10 or 15 minutes, including 15 seconds unassisted. He is great! When he was getting her up, he started humming theme music. Then he asked Chukka if she was okay and if there was anything she had to say. She said, "Yes. Can I have the William Tell overture instead of Bonanza?" So he switched. He kept saying things like "Way to go, homegirl!" and "I wish my other patients had your attitude." His evaluation? "You are totally ready for a wheelchair!" He said she could have gone in a wheelchair that day, but he was going off duty & he wanted to be the one to do it, so they were going to do it today.

She's learned some new exercises with the exercise bands, and she has also found out that she can pull herself over towards her side using the bars on the side of the bed.

I called Social Services today (didn't get who I wanted) and the woman I spoke, who hadn't even met Chukka, had heard about her and knew that she had a good attitude. So word has gotten around the hospital.

She wants books, including:
the latest Tim Powers, Three Days till Never
books by John (?) Callahan, the paraplegic who wrote Don't worry, he won't get far on foot. I'm hoping to track that one down in the local bookstore, but he has a lot of books of cartoons, so go ahead.
Adrienne Mayor, The First Fossil Hunters and Fossil Legends of the First Americans.

She says the transport nurses and EMTs were nice, she's glad to be back, and she's looking forward to her birthday. I don't know how we're going to handle the virtual party. Let's hope she's in rehab, so that the patient in the next bed is strong enough to handle the festivities!

I'll check on rhinoceroses. I don't want to have to be the one who rubs them down with hand sanitizer.

For electronic cards to her room (Room 476, Bed 2):

https://www.johnmuirhealth.com/index.php/greeting.html

Seeing Chukka

My father and I went to the hospital this morning and stayed about two hours. Chukka was awake and in good spirits, and I was impressed with how well she is doing. She is clearly on top of things and looking out for what is needed. She was making sure her critical records got transfered, making sure she had what she needed, and so on. She even called my dad this morning before we left to ask for some things she wanted. She was able to make jokes with me and my dad -- overall I would say she made the visit very easy for us.

We brought fruit and flowers out of my father's garden, and also a lot of books and magazines. She has already gotten four of the internet cards that have been sent! She was happy to see those, I think. We got a chance to meet her "case manager" and to get some things in motion -- as Magda said, she might be transfered to rehab very soon.

I think she is very glad to be back where she has more autonomy and is able to communicate. She should be able to have her cell phone in the hospital, and probably a computer -- the only question is whether there is wireless in rehab, I think.

We left around lunchtime -- she *said* she was going to eat and then go to sleep. But earlier, while we were talking, she had realized that she could call her cell phone and get her messages, and as we were going, I saw her reaching for the phone -- so I think she may have been just as happy we left. ;)

She says you can contact her by phone. Call the front desk at

925 939 3000 and ask for Carol Sachs

After the flight

I just spoke to Chukka. She sounded pretty chipper -- much more coherent than I usually am after a transatlantic flight! She said the food and private viewing screen on the plane were nice touches and the nurse and paramedic looked after her well.

As I spoke to her I heard a nurse saying they will be trying to move her to rehab, so maybe the address inthe last post isn't going to be exactly right, but the general hospital address is the same.

More soon
Magda

The Chukkster has landed!!!

I got the text from Eliza a few hours ago (in the middle of the night here). Eliza phoned the hospital a few hours later, Chukka was sleeping so Eliza and my dad will get over there today to see her. I can report after that if she is up to lots of other visitors yet. There are only 2 allowed at a time.

However, she *is* allowed flowers, and, of course, cards. The address is (Eliza will put in sidebar soon):

Carol Sachs
Room 476, Bed 2
Orthopedic Ward
John Muir Medical Center, Walnut Creek Campus
1601 Ygnacio Valley Road
Walnut Creek, CA 94598

When we know about a direct phone number we will let you all know.

The hospital has a system for sending electronic cards. It is limited to a set message inside, but they say theyhope to deliver by noon on the day sent.

https://www.johnmuirhealth.com/index.php/greeting.html

Having seen that they have some birthday cards in this facility, I will shamelessly remind you all that Chukka's birthday is 1st July.

After Eliza and Ray's first visit we will be able to give you more information. But now is the time to welcome Chukka back to the USA!!

Thanks,
Magda

On the plane!

Chukka's plane took off from Munich at 3:50 p.m. (Munich time) today. The nurses arrived yesterday to evaluate Chukka, and drove her down by ambulance this morning. I verified with her insurance that the "transfer took place without any problems." This is good, as there were a few snags along the way. Our mother is traveling as a passenger on the same flight.

They will arrive in San Francisco this evening. A friend is picking my mother up directly from the airport. Chukka will be taken by ambulance to John Muir Medical Center in Walnut Creek, in the East Bay. I will call an hour or two after I estimate she has arrived, by which time she should be assigned to a ward. I expect they won't want any visitors until tomorrow, and then only family.

I will find out her address as soon as possible.

(To add to the hassles, my computer has crashed, so I am now doing this from the library!)

How we can help Chukka

Hi everyone,

This is Saadi, Chukka's cousin. Eliza has asked me to help her out regarding fundraising for Chukka. Some of you have asked or might be interested in finding a way that you can help Chukka through this crisis. As you can read from the posts from Eliza and her family, she is in good spirits and really hanging tough. She is well cared for at the hospital, but she will have a lot of expenses that won't be covered through insurance. The largest of these is Medevac, which is the flight that they have to use to get her from Austria back home. Her Dad, will pay for the Medevac; and her family is committed to doing everything they can for her, but there are a lot of things that can make Chukka's life easier, and people can help out on those.

When she gets back here, we would like to get her a computer (probably a Macintosh laptop) at the rehabilitation hospital in the Bay Area so that she can stay in touch with people and communicate. We could also get her some drawing or image software for the computer and maybe some hands-on art supplies if she can use them in the hospital. Being able stay creative will be really important right now. Then there's always books of puzzles or games she can use when she is bored. Another thing Chukka will need is a nice sturdy day-planner, as she will have so many appointments she will need to keep track of in the next year.

We are inviting anyone who would like to help to contribute towards these expenses; and to make it easier for you, Karine has set up a Pay Pal account for Chukka to which you can make a direct contribution. Here's the link: http://www.karinewilson.com/ChukkaContribute.html

Karine is also organizing an Art auction, which will be held in the Minneapolis on the 7th of July, 2007, and will consist of Art made with Chukka in mind. The bidding will be held through live bidding, conference (call-in) and proxy bidding. For more information, here is the link: www.karinewilson.com/chukka

This is really about us as friends feeling like we can really DO something, and hopefully it will make Chukka smile. If nothing else, the web page of art may help to make her smile when it's done!

Finally, Christina McAllister started a Café Press site for Kelly's Angels and now Kamikaze has offered proceeds from Angels T-Shirt sales ...
cafepress t-shirts: http://www.cafepress.com/jek2918

Thank you all for all of your help and concern and know that her family is really appreciating all of your thoughts and prayers.

Saadi

preparing for medevac

We seem to be in the preparatory stages of organising Chukka's medical evacuation from Austria to the USA. There seems to be a lot to organise and certainly quite a few parties to liase with, so this is somewhat time consuming. We will let you know more as we know more ourselves. Keep your fingers crossed that these arrangements go forward smoothly! It will be a big step to get her back to her home country.

Magda

Out the front door!

Sally reports:

Chukka was outside Monday and Tuesday--rolled her out myself. Big, clunky machine. Doctors have told her she is healing nicely and haas no need of an operation on the spine/pelvis which is growing new bone. After a couple of hours sitting, her butt begins to hurt. She is going ahead with the physical therapy exercises quite conscientiously. I bought her a fan because she gets so hot.

This sounds like progress to me!!

Magda

Book Suggestions

I've been trying to think of books that Mum could read when Moomintroll runs out. Here are some of my ideas so far:

Winnie the Pooh
Wind in the Willows
The Phantom Tollboth
The Thirteen Clocks

Shoot, I thought I had more. It's always harder in the clear light of day than when I'm not sleeping at 3:00 in the morning.

Any other ideas? Perhaps we can compile a list and Chukka can choose, and Magda can see what she can find. (Mail being faster from there.)

I will admit to being bitterly disappointed that Chukka can't come home sooner. Yesterday, her insurance phoned me with some questions about what we would want for medevac, and I got all excited, because I thought that meant maybe she was ready to think about leaving. But no, they were just planning ahead. I think that let me know how much I want her to be here, where all her friends are, and where she will get the kind of support and therapy and everything that she needs. As long as she was really in danger, it seemed to matter less exactly where she was. Now, though, I think she is starting to take things in more and beginning to deal with the emotional stuff, and that must be so hard in a foreign culture, with a foreign language. She can't even watch TV! -- because it's in German not English.

So I think this is a good time to send her more cards! She needs to know you are all out there pulling for her. I also am hoping she can have flowers -- if so, I will post some websites of flower companies in Germany/Austria that Claudia suggested. Kirsten sent some flowers to my mother long ago -- sorry Kirsten, I still don't even know if she got them!

Another update

More from Sally: "Chukka moved again to 6th floor [think this means she is ont on observation, so they are happy that she is ok off the ICU]. No breathing machine.

She was told her skin grafts must heal before she is released. This might be 2 to 3 weeks. Then some rehab--one,two weeks. Its not clear. She would like to be gone on her birthday.

I am reading Moomintroll. We both enjoy it. Send two more. She is getting bored."

Two more books despatched in the post tonight, so I hope they will reach Austria in mid week.

I guess the address should be altered, will ask for exact details.

Magda

Trying a wheelchair?

Here is an update from my mother:

Chukka is scheduled to sit in a wheelchair today. When allowed, I'll take her outside. She eats a reasonable portion of her meals and I bring her fruit daily. Also, she eats the fruit for patients. [this is fruit in a bowl outside the nurses' station which is there for patients to help themselves from].

Yesterday she had a triangle above her bed to strengthen the upperbody muscles. She is conscientious about the red bands. We do 2 hours of breathing daily and one chapter Moomintroll. [I took over two books that I thought might be suitable for reading aloud, one was 'Comet in Moominland' which is the first of the Moomin books -- hope you all know these lovely Finnish books, which, although for children are suitable for all ages].

This sounds like encouraging news. The wheelchair trial is important becasue Chukka will need to be able to sit up for take off and landing when she is medevaced back to the USA. Of course I expect they will be doing a short trial and then increasing the time.

Keep rooting for Chukka. I know she wants to get access to the internet (currently not possible in the hospital) and I expect she will want to see this blog and be in contact when she can.

Magda

Out of ICU!

Just a quick note from Mum:

"Chukka was moved yesterday to the trauma ward. She was visited today by a physical therapist as well as the psychiatrist. Her attitude to change is positive. She is being served only solid food. No intravenous."

Magda got home after a very early flight. I think she will post in a day or two when she is rested.

There is still some surgery pending -- until that is all over, I'll certainly feel nervous. Nonetheless, progress is good. I'm in touch with the trauma coordinator at a hospital here, they're asking us to think ahead now. In some ways that's daunting -- there's a hard physical and emotional journey ahead, but as long as we're all in crisis mode, we don't have to think about it.

The new address is in the sidebar!

Star's makeover

Yesterday we took Star from Chukka at afternoon visiting and put her in the wash. She came out looking much perkier, and with superlatively pink fluffy ears. We washed her scarf and re-wound it, and added our small gift from Innsbruck Alt-Stadt -- a twinkly blue crystal Swarovski star. She looked really refreshed and ready for her duties of 24 hour Chukka support and cheer.

We returned her at evening visiting hours.

Chukka had three solid meals (small ones) yesterday, which is a first. We think she will go in for some more surgery today, so every day is different, but a definite sense of moving forward, slowly.

She seems much brighter and more 'present' than when I was last here a week ago. She is co-operating with all the treatment they suggest. Yesterday was a holiday (Fingsten) so we didn' have a chance to see a doctor (not that it is easy to know when we will see one!). She is still in ICU, not sure how long for.

We have conveyed the support messages from the blog to her, hoping that she will be able to read them herself one day not too far away.

Magda And Sally

Spoke to Chukka on the Phone

I called the ICu today, and the doctor handed the phone over to Chukka. It was a little awkward -- what could I say over the phone -- especially when I wasn't expecting it? I almost started to cry, but I realized that wasn't going to help. So instead I asked her if there was anything she wanted me to say on the blog and she said

"Tell them I'm doing well. I may be out [i.e. coming back] in as little as a couple weeks -- although that's not confirmed. I appreciate the cards and letters and I miss everybody terribly much."

Her voice was a little scratchy, but it was certainly her! She should deinitely be out of the ICU very soon.

Mum writes that a lot of the tubes have been taken out and Chukka has eaten strawberries and a nectarine. Yesterday she asked for Star and Mum has brought Star to her.

Quick call to ICU

Not many changes. There is still some fever, but it seems to be getting better. They are starting to talk about transfering her out of the ICU in a few days. She still needs some surgery and will be there a while yet, even after the transfer. She still has to lie flat, that must be very boring after a while.

The lull is good, I've finally manged to get some work done, which is good, because I'm a freelancer, and if I don't work , I don't get paid. But not running around ealing with this every minute also means there's more time to try an take in the enormity of it, which I really haven't gotten my head around. I've been I've been pretty depressed the past couple of days -- that's just everything catching up to me. I even missed my weekly horseback riding lesson, which is one of my main sources of support. Dut when grief/depression gets so physical, there comes a point where it no longer feels safe to ride... I'm better nw, but I have to take it slow.

More baby pictures

Here are some pictures of Eliza (big sister) and Chukka (little sister)

European Photographs

Chukka took a lot of photographs on her European trip. She suggested some of them could be posted on this blog, so I had a look at what was there . . .

With 635 photographs, which to choose? The first one speaks for itself. I had to include it. Then there are some fairly standard tourist photographs, such as you might see in guide books. I have included just a few of these to convey some sort of flavour of Chukka's holiday. However, I think more interesting are some more obscure little pictures. Chukka has a habit of noticing odd little fragments and latching on to them: often such trivia that most of us would walk past without noticing them. I had to include a few of these: they really say a great deal about who Chukka is. Then there are a couple of pictures of Star, who travels everywhere with Chukka, and is photographed at each stage of the journey. Chukka specifically asked for a picture of Star. And finally, the only image of Chukka to be found among these photos. I think it has something special about it.

Michael























Cambridge





















Prague
















Prague
















Prague
















Venice
















Venice






















Innsbruck

Eating! Reading!

More from Mum:

"Sunday when I arrived she was eating a cup of soup with small noodles. Solid food. I brought her a pear and she ate about a third of it in slices. Later she requested yogurt. She spooned it out herself, no small feat when lying almost flat.'''

"Two doctors on Saturday spoke to Magda, Chukka and me about her condition. Generally positive.

"She is not giving up. Although she cannot see a nurse when she undertakes breathing therapy, and this sense of abandonment has caused panic, she follows the regimen. An hour a day. She also has a little hand-held apparatus to enhance breathing. This is to prevent pneumonia.

"There are two elastic bands at the foot tof the bed. She asks me to give them to her and she uses them for resistence exercise. Sunday she opened a card by herself and read it."

Doing Well

Chukka is definitely getting better.

I got this email from Magda:

"The nurse spoke to us at length. He said (to all three of us) that Chukka was really lucky, that a train accident is usually fatal. He said she got there so quickly that she lost less blood than many accident patients, when they have severance of such major arteries.

"He spoke to mum and I alone in the corridor before we left and assured us that us being there is really important for Chukka's recovery and spirits. He said again that she was doing better than many amputees he has seen. He could not say how long she will be there. It sounds like a long while longer, though, I think. She has these other operations and some rehab to come before she can be moved.

"The Marienheim is really a godsend, it is so much easier to prepare little meals and keep food in the fridge and so on. And everyone there is in the same boat, so you just say hello and again hello when you see them in the hospital."


[Eliza again]
Magda doesn't say whether Chukka is doing better than average physically or mentally, but I suspect both. The mental component is really crucial -- depression is a major risk with amputation and a patient who gave up now would not have the persistence to make it through rehab and so to start seeing improvement. And as you all know, that's where her friends and community come in! Just to know how supported and loved she is, is really important.

I went over to my mother's place to pick up the mail and I found some photo albums. Mostly from when we were kids. I would have liked some pictures of her as an adult, but at some point my mother gave up and just started putting pics in boxes, and they are much harder to thumb through quickly. I hope to scan some in soon!

Where we are today

Just an update from Innsbruck.

Chukka is still in a lot of pain and discomfort, but has improved so much since I first saw her. Last night (I got here again yesterday) she was feeling a nauseous. I told the nurse (using the slangy word which might be translated as 'she feels like barfing' -- not how I would usually talk to a nurse! -- he told me the echt Deutsch) and she got something for that. I was also able to ask what the evening programme was (teeth cleaning, cool wash, sleeping meds) -- it seems to help to speak German, although all in hospital have some English.

The Marienheim hostel is really great, the person in the office (volunteer?) was really nice, it is spotless and very 'homey' with table cloths in the little dining room, lots of dishes and pots and, of course, four bins under the sink so we can recycle our plastic, paper, and compost. There is a big fridge with little baskets so we can keep things and label them. I brought my own sheets and towel, they hire some so Mum has those, and then we have a lovely room with a table and so on. It is really about 2 or 3 minutes to the hospital, and is a wonderful facility for our situation. They have a library (mostly German) and even an umbrella stand. In our situation, it could not be better, really.

The last fews days have been very rainy, but today the sun is out, so we can walk around again, filling in the time until visiting hours, and running errands and keeping ourselves sane. The rain fell as snow on the peaks, so the scenery looks a bit more dramatic.

Over and out from Innsbruck.

Magda and Sally

Reading Cards

I am sure that Mum and Magda will read the cards again to Chukka as soon as she is ready. And even though Chukka might not have taken in the exact words on each particular cards, I am sure that she has taken in the enormous love and caring that they contain. We tend to think the mind is very important and that until something has gone through the process of thinking, it hasn't been understood. But actually, the body and heart can take in so much before the mind even gets the key in the ignition.

I know in my heart that having your cards there and present means a lot to her, and I know that they have made a difference. I know they are already helping her and that they will continue to help her and to let her feel less alone. I knew from the beginning that having this community there for her was going to be tremednously important, and there is no doubt in my mind you have already made a tremendous contribution.

Another way the message gets through is that Mum and Magdacan read and hear your words and know what you've said. We, her birth family, are so much stronger for knowing how many freinds she has and how much caring there is for her, and that strength and awareness is there when Mum and Magda speak to her. It would be so much harder without you. Your love gives us courage, and our courage gives her strength.

Do remember that this is a slow process and she is on a different time scale. Have faith that your giving and love can persist, it doean't need to get there precisely at eight o'clock sharp. We can send messages around the world instantly, we can check for updates four times a day, but the body and soul still heal the way they have for aeons, at a pace more attuned to the rocks and the trees.

More from Mum

Another email from Mum. It sounds like she is less alone in the Marienheim, which is one of the things Magda and I hoped would happen. Also sounds like Chukka is more and more there. It just takes time, there is a lot of healing yet to do.

Sally writes:

"I'm sorry I didn't write yesterday. I meant to, but breakfast lasted longer than I thought. The Marienheim serves breakfast Tuesday, Wed and Thurs. A volunteer sits at each table and I was engaged in a rather lengthy conversation.

"I had decided to go the the art museum. There was a heavy rain and on the way I thought I'd pop into the Servittenkirche ....Morning Mass. Lasted half an hour. I wondered if a tone deaf person could become a priest in Austria.

"Chukka speaks up for her needs. She has to use a breathing apparatus for at least an hour a day. It obstructs her vision so that she cannot see any nurse and this causes panic. We have both explained with a request that someone remain in the room to respond to her wave.

"She asked me to state that she is touched by the cards and letters, the videos and DVDs the team has sent. Magda or I read her every letter. She cannot yet respond, but we are saving them. I have always been proud of Chukka but I truly admire her for her grit and determination to come through. I at least can touch her and curl her fingers in mine, change the washcloth on her forhead.

"Did you know that the Dippers--Ursa Major and Minor are the Grosse Wagen and Klenie Wagen [Big Wagon and Little Wagon - Eliza] Or perhaps grosser und kleiner. I only paid attention to the wagen part."

combating boredom

I spoke to Sally. Chukka is still seeing double. Thanks to all who sent dvds adn videos, seems like it is too soon for her to enjoy them.

I am taking a little tape cassette walkman that I have. I bought new earphones (large, for comfort) and looked for tapes. Turns out they are no longer for sale in UK shops, so I am taking some we have. My tape deck for recording from CD is not working, so just have to manage.

Dont' know if this will be of interest to her. If it is, I will let you know, in case you have a source of cassette tapes.

Magda

Cards received

Before I left we had had delivery of two piles of cards, which had been sent to the original address, and which were re-directed. So if you sent a card, I think it probably got there. We read them out to Chukka, and also read some which Mum and I brought by hand. She could look at the front pictures. She liked the messages, but I think she will need to read the cards again later to really take them in. Mum has them all in a safe spot so we can give them to her when she is no longer in ICU.

Thank you everyone who has sent something or is standing by to send something in the future, including messages here.

I will be back in Austria on Thursday.

Magda

Mum moving to a better location

Email from Sally:

"I have moved to the Marianheim which ... is in the house with the bright teal window frames. There is a kitchenwith stove and frig. However, we have to make own beds, keep place tidy, usw. They serve breakfat on Tues, Wed, Thur. Otherwise, on our own. Imade trip after trip with the luggage since it's only threee blocks away. Ihad lunch and a rest before the last trip. It is incredibly hot here. I bet Chukka is really suffering with the heat.

"The MArianheim has a garden and I saw picnic tables with folks using them. I think a garden is a great facility. ...

"As you see, I made it to the Internet Palace and with the help of the crib sheet can send messages."

Magda says:

"This place is run by nuns (?) and was suggested by the doctor as they run these apartments for people visiting relatives in hsopital long term. This sounds ideal, just next to hospital."

Eliza says:

Last I heard, Chukka's fever was down somewhat. The doctor says, she gets a little better everyday.

Healing at the Pace of the Body

I'm sure I'm not the only one who was so excited to hear Chukka was speaking, that I forgot how seriously she has been injured and that her healing will take some time. Although modern medicine can do much to support her, ultimately, she can only heal as fast as her body can manage, and even in these days of the Internet, that remains slow. She is, of course, in a great deal of pain and remains heavily medicated, so although she is conscious, she is focused mostly on her immediate needs and is not really ready to take in all our well wishes and cards. It is still too soon for DVDs and so on. When I think to the last time I was ill, I remember how the illness can take over everything and there is little energy for anything else. So it is with Chukka. We can still continue to send her our love and support.

Another Surgery

Chukka had another surgery today, Magda says she is exhausted. She also said that overall Chukka is really focused on immmediate comfort and breathing and getting temp down. It is good she is focused on immediate future and what she can control.

Axel is arranging the purchase of a DVD player for her, paid for by some friends in the US. It will play DVDs, CDs and MP3s, I will put out a call soon. Send to updated address.

Nothing too dark and be careful of sudden surprises, like the Monty Python skit where they start eating someone's mother. So no Monty Python. Simpson would be good.

IN the meantime, Claudia has sent her a Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Dish, and some South Park. Thank you all so much on the German team, and all of you out there. Having you there is such a help and encouragement.

Postal Rates Increasing Monday!

On Monday, May 14, international 1st class airmail will increase to $0.90 (90 cents) per ounce.

(Domestic going up to 41 cents -- good to remember when you pay your bills.)

Don't forget to send all cards to corrected address (see sidebar). Some have already come, although tjey may have been delayed due to wrong address.

Updated Address

Innsbruck Medical University
Unfall chirurgie
Intensive station
für Patientin Carol Sachs
Anichstrasse 35
6020 Innsbruck
Austria

Cards only.

Email from My Mother

Just got this from my mother:

"Magda arrived today and we saw C this afternoon. Her temp was up, her breathing good. She sucks little ice pops--ice in a syringe. She may be alittle bored. She definitely is not giving up. She´s as feisty underneath as ever." -- Sally

Also, she should be able to get the cards in the ICU. None have arrived, but I guess it hasn't been as long as it feels.

She's talking!

Chukka was extubated a couple of days ago (this means they took the tube for the heart/lung machine out of her windpipe) and is now able to talk. Overall, she's doing quite well medically. She still has a fever.

She knows about her legs. I can't imagine... Please put a short comment and your name -- perhaps I can print the comments out and snail mail them to my mother in her hotel. All we can do for now is send her our support and love.

You can also still send her cards -- eventually she will move out of ICU into another ward, and she can see them then. I think they will matter to her.

Photographs from England

Last week I posted URL links to some photographs taken when Chukka was in England. A couple of people think it would be nicer for them to be visible in the blog, instead of just linking to them, so here they are. The other people along with Chukka are me, Chukka's nephew Olaf, and her niece Iona.

Michael (aka Micky)



St John's College, Cambridge

Dovestones, in the Pennine hills

Dovestones again

Taking It Slow

I'm trying to slow down today, and not make any of the thousands of calls I could make. Magda is gong back to Austria tomorrow (Thursday). I did call and suggest that she take some children's books -- maybe they can read out loud to Chukka. I think you must run out of things to say, and I remember being read out loud to when we were kids, it might be kind of soothing. I also suggested they try to track down any cards that might have arrived, and then they could read those to her too.

I like to think of the ICU as a quiet safe place. Of course it's very frightening to be in, or to go visit, but the reality is Chukka's body and spirit ahve traveled very far, and she is in a sanctuary designed to help her come back. It's a separate space with just one patient. The lights are low. There is a one-to-one ratio of nurses to patients there -- each patient has a dedicated nurse that just sits and watches the patient and the machines -- kind of tending the sacred fire at a temple. I think in general ICU nurses are very calm and very calming, they are very familiar with this deep place that Chukka is in. And they are highly qualified; this is a specialty and I'm sure not everyone else is suited. Everything is very contained. This is the best place for her to be.

There has been a minor setback, they can't go ahead with the rest of the surgeries quite yet, so she will be in ICU at least a week longer. Everything is fine, just this delay to take care of her changing condition. I haven't heard anything new since Magda's post, but I"m sure she ocntinues to get stronger and more conscious.

I have identified a "top candidate" for a hospital when she comes back here in a few weeks. When I jump back into the fray, I will start working on the American insurance side, and getting information about how they will make that "transfer". Today, I am truly trying to make none of these calls. As you can perhaps see, I've taken the time to add her address and a link to the sidebar on the blog. If you have other links you think might be useful, you can post them in the comments, or send them to the chukkasupport AT gmail.com address. I may not manage to get all of them up -- it's so hard to stay organized -- but I'm sure you'll forgive me for any mistakes.

Chukka

Chukka holding Margaret, Magda on the right

in between Austria visits

I got back last night and am going back to Innsbruck on Thursday.

We have been able to see Chukka twice a day. She is getting more concious each time, but knew our voices (and could nod0 the first time. She asked (via writing, thank you to the nurse who thought of the paper and pen) for water -- whcih she cannot have at the moment. But we could wipe her face with a damp cloth, and the nurse brough a big bowl of ice with peppermint which is cooling and we could just do that for her.

The nurses -- 'sisters' they are called -- are all really lovely, to a man. It is some consolation to leave her in their capable, calm and caring hands.

We are sorting the practicalities, one at a time.

The support here is amazing, I hope Chukka will be able to hook into it sometime soon. For me, its great to know that there is a support network ready for a future phase as we are going through this hard early part.

Thank you.

Magda

No real changes

Just very busy, arranging insurance, thinking about where she can come to here, things like that. When she comes back, she will need to go to a hospital for inpatient rehabilitation for some time.

Her home would be very very difficult to make wheelchair friendly, the front steps alone are about 10 steps, opening onto a narrow driveway, it's hard to imagine being able to build a temporary ramp that would be stable enough. This kind of situation is repeated thorugh out the house, so truly making it safe would be a challenge. There are many options, I think best not to commit to one before we can get an idea of what she wants. I think when she gets into rehab here, she will meet people in a similar situation and get more of a picture of what she will want.

She does not know of her condition, it might be a while before they tell her.

I must say the overseas office for her insurance company was very good at least on the phone, we will see how that all plays out...

Oops - retraction

Earlier I posted a little more about her condition than is now up in the previous post. Mum and Magda point out that her privacy is important, so although I know everyone wants to know, we also cannot know what she would or would not want public.

So if you put anything up about that, please take it down if possible. Things do travel very fast...

Still waiting for full details

Someone asked if we knew more about the accident and Chukka's condition. There's another surgery today; perhaps after that Mum and Magda will talk to the surgeon, and then they will try to go to the polic station tomorrow and look at the accident report. Those are two very hard things.

Magda can't stay; she is leaving to go home around noon on Monday; she has to get on a train Tuesday morning and travel to give a talk. After that my mother will be alone in Innsbruck.

I do know a little about the circumstances of the accident. European trains lock their doors one minute before departure as a safety memasure. I wouldn't know that, and neither did Chukka -- we traveled a lot in Europe when we were kids, and you could just pull a door open no matter what. She was trying to get on the train back to Prague, saw the train, and tried to open the doors. Then somehow she fell. Where she fell or exactly what happened after I still do not know.

All organs are fine. The legs of course are amputated above the knee. There are some other injuries, but Mum and Magda think it is best to respect her privacy as much as possible, I think they are probably right. There is no paralysis, again I think no trauma to the head.

At some time the surgeon -- the head of the clinic is taking Chukka's case -- will give Mum and Magda a full briefing, although if there is more to be done, they cannot make a final assesssment & so will not be ready to give full details. Doctors don't like to speculate in public.

The wounds are infected and she has a high fever -- there are some risks there.

Once she is back here and they have made their medical assessment, she will have to go through rehab, maybe in a rehabilitation hospital. She will have to be trained how to do many things that we all take for granted. They will also likely work on building up body strength. She will need to use both her upper and lower body in ways she has not before. They do believe she will be able to have prosthetics, but that will take some time until the wounds are fully healed and can take the pressure, and again there is a lot to be learned in terms of how to control them.

The hospital will presumably also have counseling services and support groups. Since they have not spoken of concussion, she may have been conscious during the accident (that is very painful to imagine) and then there will be postraumatic stress -- I won't call it a disorder, because it is perfectly natural.

I have to stop thinking about this all the time, irght this moment I know I am spinning out of control a little but it is not so easy to stop it. Your comments and support mean a lot to me. It matters so much that you are all there for her, and of course I know you are all part of her support team, all of you.

Pictures

Conscious

Chukka came round, at least briefly, and recognized Mum and Magda, which is good. They are glad that the family was there and will be there and emphasized very very much that the hospital needs to be the one to tell her about the amputation. That will not happen for a couple more days. I'm sure they have a professional counselor who has that job, and I'm sure they also wait until they feel she is medically strong enough, or consistently conscious enough, to handle it. I got a message from Magda while I was in the shower, she and Mum were having dinner somewhere.

Mum and Magda are there

I have not talked to them. Chukka is still asleep, I guess because she is still on the ventilator, but is slowly starting to wake up. I think that's best really, then they can see her and get over their shock a little before she is awake.

There are no cards allowed in the ICU, Mum will have to find out where exactly they have been sent to and keep them at the hotel. No stuffed animals either! Also, do not send too much to Austria, because it will be hard for Mum to bring home. I expect for as long as sheis in the ICU, Chukka will be very tired and weak and will not have energy even for reading cards. She will also be on a lot of medication for the pain. Chukka will be here quite soon and then we can all send her everything we want.

She is in a very queit, safe place. THe ICU is hard for visitors, because you never go there for something good, but for the patient it is very safe and very quiet. Her spirit and body have been on a very long journey, they must come back slowly. The best thing we can do right now is stay in touch with the quiet place inside and keep her -- and us -- safe there.

Of course it is very hard to do nothing, that is why I am on the blog instead of just resting. But now I will take the day off.

Faxx is there!

Chukka

She is doing well. It sounds like they may have tried to wake her, but it was just a little too soon, so still asleep tonight, but perhaps tomorrow they will wake her up. No organ damage. All seems to be going well, no surprises for them. Tomorrow Mum and Magda can talk to the surgeon instead of the residents or whoever they are. I think we are the only English-speaking family right now.

Clinic here in US was waiting to send fax because it is night in Germany! Will double-check on that soon.

Of course...

The fax isn't there yet. Been about two hours. Just checked & Mum's health plan have the right number, so just tell me that it takes time to pull records and print them out, and now they're at lunch, and then it takes a good while for a fax to reach Munich. But I will be happier when it's really there.

Lunch.

Devils and Angels

Devils

FedEx for not being able to deliver before Tuesday (DHL may be better)

Customs for not letting anything without a prescription anyway

The Airplane Gods for canceling my mother's flight so we didn't know what plane she was on

The three people, including one supervisor, who couldn't find her reservation in the plane system because that flight was yesterday and had been deleted,

The pharmacist at Muum's health plan who said they couldn't fax a prescription out of the country and gave an 800 phone number that clearly wouldn't work out of the US,


Angels:

My father for digging up my mother's plane reservation number

my sister Magda for contacting the US Embassy

Barbara in the US Embassy (she is the contact they gave us when they told us about Chukka) for knowing that there is a 24-hour medical clinic and a pharmacy in the Munich airport, and for knowing the magic words "my mother is a cardiac patient, she has forgotten her medications, and she is extremely agitated."

Stefan for putting aside the time to meet my mother at the medical clinic tomorrow and driving her up to Innsbruck when he doesn't own a car and has no time for anything.

The man who dug out my mother's original reservation so we could figure out what flight she'd been bumped to

The woman for the other airline who also had to locate my mother when she was invisible in the system and who booked a wheelchair at the other end,

The advice nurse at Mum's health plan who gave me my mother's ID number even though I couldn't remember her birthdate,

The phone person at Mum's health plan who took twenty minutes to write up the note to the doctor and phoned ahead to the clinic after she told me "The doctor will respond in 24 to 48 hours," and I said, "That's not possible." Deep breath. "My mother is a cardiac patient and. she's forgotten ..."

The woman at the clinic in Munich who was very sweet when I called and the fax had not yet come through (still hasn't, but I feel more like it will),

the Airplane Gods who gave my mother a three-hour layover in the US so I could actually page her to call me and tell her the plan,

AND

me

Somewhat Under Control

Stefan in Munich will help out. I have contacted my mother in her layover and so she knows what we will be able to do. Her doctor's office is not open for another half an hour here.

Urgent! Mum may need help

She filled her medication prescriptions & then forgot to take them. I cannot get them to her before Tuesday. Things we need: someone who could meet her flight in Munich & travel up with her to Innsbruck. She is likely to be fine, but could be a little light-headed, just very important to have someone with her if possible! Also someone who can find out information about clinics, pharmacies she could get to in Munich or Innsbruck. She will want to see my sister right away, so she will want to go straight to Innsbruck, but things might close for weekend? Austria closes down. She gets in around 7:00 to Munich. We may be able to phone in prescription (but international unlikely).

Anyway, I have set up a gmail account with the same name as this blog, chukkasupport. Send email address, phone number If anyone can help, would be so appreciated.

From Dad

There will be tough times. You can handle them. You have all our love and support, permanently.

Wrapped in the Love of Her Friends

My mother wanted people to know she had been trying to think what she could get Chukka as a gift & she decided they could get her a shawl. So she called Magda & Magda said, "You know, I was just thinking we should get her a shawl, and then I saw this one I got in Ireland and never opened." So they will be bringing that to her, and Mum said, "It will be like she is wrapped in the love of her friends."

Everyone's support means so much to all of us.

No Danger of Life

My mother's flight was canceled, I got a call on my machine, probably from the airport, that she would not arrive in Munich till Saturday morning. So I've called to cancel one night at her hotel and then also called the ICU to let them know.

I got a physician, and he said, "I expect you're calling to ask how she is. Normally it is best to talk to only one family member." I was sort of sitting there sputtering, "no, it's okay, I understand," and he went on, "so please understand if there are any discrepencies," and then gave me the latest info. And he is right, coming through me, it is already less clear, so you also understand we cannot know so much.

He told about the amputation. He did say, "There is no danger of life," which must be an improvement since at one time she was critical but stable. There will be some more surgeries, another one tomorrow, some to address additional trauma, and some "to ensure the rest of the leg remains intact." Heart and lungs are good. High fever.

She will remain in ICU another one or two weeks. It's my impression she will then be discharged to be brought (medevac) to the US. Not sure how that will be paid for, but my current impression is that it will be covered.

Please do keep up the comments, love, caring, they support us as well.

So DON'T send anything big or slow, it might not get there, and even if it does, it will be hard for Sally to bring back.

My limited experience with this is that dates and times and what will happen will keep changing until one day they say, "tomorrow, she will be leaving...."

As he also pointed out, she still doesn't know what has happened to her. She is now in a "light sleep".

Driving home today, some idiot did one of those unwise lane changes and I found myself saying, almost begging, "Please be careful, please be careful." It's like the Sting song "On and on, the rain will tell how fragile we are, how fragile we are." Margaret was a fan of the Police, and then of Sting.